Recently I declared, over Sunday brunch, that I’d probably seen every good movie that’s ever been made. At least twice. That’s a lot of downloading. I’ve also played all the great classic video games from my childhood a bunch of times over. Nostalgia is quite a drug— essential for escaping an otherwise mundane weekend.
But here’s what we really need to escape: a world that doesn’t love us, no matter how good our grades are, no matter how much money we make, no matter how nice our six-pack is. That’s what pushes us into movies, TV shows, booze, music, junk food, video games and other drugs—otherwise known as ‘distractions’. Multi-multi-billion dollar industries are based on this one premise. Literally thousands of dollars a year come out of your bank account to distract you from your own life.
We are living for other people in order to get their love (they being parents, friends, strangers and/or sexual partners). When we don’t get it, why try harder: a perfect smile, nicer clothes, a better job, more accolades and awards. More things that don’t actually make us happier, they just make us more impressive (and paradoxically, more unlikeable). That world, that pitifully dehumanizing world, where we run for hours, without moving, is what we need to escape. Luckily, the trap door is simple and elegant.
Love Yourself— rather than using your life a twisted ploy to get it from others— and suddenly you’ll have your life back. Love yourself and you’re free to do whatever you want, wear whatever clothes you want, and live in the real world (not escape into a better one). When people meet you, they’ll feel this energy emanating from you— rather than struggling to get from Monday to Friday, you’ll be juiced by every moment: every opportunity for improvisation; every social interaction; every splash of rain on your skin; every glance from a stranger. You’ll take it all in, and see absolutely no reason not to pursue it, because love is already taken care of.
Yes meditation, but not just sitting on your bed for 10 minutes a day, but also walking in the world. Rather then fall into a habitual escapist neural pathway of “what should I consume/do to escape this weird feeling” focus on loving yourself (literally repeat the thought “I love myself” in your head). Why do we have to learn this in such a clumsy ham-fisted way, like using chopsticks with the wrong hand? Because it’s probably the first time in our lives we haven’t looked externally to others for love.
Emotionally, we’re toddlers. Our entire childhood/school/early working lives revolved around working hard to get a good result. It was all external. We were just being trained for a world where ‘good feelings’ were available in stores plastic-wrapped for $19.99. If that doesn’t work, there are lots of other items you can try. Furthermore, if you can’t afford it, you can work harder and get a higher paying job in hopes of buying something astronomically priced and maybe getting a jolt of happiness there. Finally, if all of that doesn’t work, you’ll be in the enviable position of looking down on those who make much less money than you, and must, surely, be in a worse condition than you. Be thankful for what you have, even if most of it is physical emotionless merchandise you only got to fulfill something aching deep within you.
“I love myself”.
Try it for a month. See what it’s like to be free from manipulation and say what’s on your mind, be truly spontaneous and congruent.